So February was a difficult month for me. I didn’t really lose any weight and struggled a lot with binge eating. I was feeling some pretty intense emotions and fell back on all my addictions. I rationalized eating more and definitely eating more carbs because I was in pain and I didn’t know how else to treat it.
In March I decided I needed to make a change. First I went back to The Keto Road Coaching and I am working with Gormy on getting my macros set so I don’t constantly go from restricting to much to binging when I feel like it’s impossible to follow longterm. I told him I needed macros that were sustainable, that would work with my lifestyle and that would help me lose weight. So he’s on top of that and is helping me stay accountable.
Secondly I found a new therapist I could trust. She recommended I read the book The Food and Feelings Workbook. It has been such a good decision. I didn’t realize I was carrying around so much guilt and shame that was unnecessary. All it was doing was leading me to eat. I am finally breaking the connection between experiencing negative emotions and binge eating. I love this book and suggest you read it as well if you suffer from disordered eating.
Lastly I realized for certain that I have premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder as well as Bipolar Disorder. My bipolar has been well controlled on meds and lifestyle changes but the PMDD was not. So I am receiving treatment for that and I have high hopes that it will help the mood instability I feel in my luteal phase.
Exercise wise I am just about ready to ramp things up. Today I challenged myself to jog a mile without stopping. At this point jogging and running practically mean the same thing. I only go at one speed when I’m not walking.
But I did it. I ran for a mile straight. 14 min is my best time in 5 years. My goal is to train in 1/2 mile intervals twice a day and get my mile time down to 12 min. That’s what I was capable of 5 years ago.
I notoriously have a hard time being consistent with a weight lifting routine. So we are starting again today when my husband gets home from work. I’ll go easy on legs since I already ran today but I will do a full body routine. I really want to see how my body changes with consistent lifting.
Only 85 more pounds to lose before we start trying for baby #2. Can’t wait!!.
So I have now been on keto for a month. I have seen great results when it came to my weight loss. From Dec 27th to January 29th I lost 14 lbs!! I feel so much better and I fit better in my clothes. Biggest non-scale victory has been going from a size 3X in scrubs to a size 2X bottom, XL top. I actually had to order new pants because I had no size 2Xs in my closet.
I have decided to add a psychological goal to my year long challenge. I have bipolar disorder which is somewhat well managed on Latuda and Viibryd. I experience depression when I PMS. Symptoms of PMS including binging are usually worse than normal.
I have seen good results eating keto and balancing my moods and improving my hormones. I am for the most part consistently happy every day. So I would like to take the next year to taper off my already low doses of meds and see if I can control my condition with diet alone. The last time I was off medication was during the 3rd trimester of my pregnancy. My mood was being supported by hornones alone.. We have plans to get pregnant again next year and it would be great if I could be med free for the whole pregnancy.
This is just an experiment and it will be well supervised by my doctors. But I have to see if being med free on a keto diet is possible. There have been only a few studies done on using a keto diet to control bipolar disorder and the results are mixed. But anecdotally there is strong support in the keto community that this way of eating does wonders for mood stabilization.
Bipolar disorder and epilepsy have some connection. Very often antiepileptics are given to increase mood stabilization for people with bipolar disorder. And the keto diet is prescribed to treat certain kinds of epilepsy. So it stands to reason that they share some kind of similar disease pathway in the brain. When you regulate brain function either through meds or diet then these conditions improve.
I am hoping to that my mood will continue to be stable without my meds if I stay strictly keto. I understand that deviating from this and eating carbs will jeopardize all of this. But it would continue the huge progress I have made with my disorder. Years ago, in my twenties, I was effectively disabled. I couldn’t work or go to school because I was so chronically depressed. I ate and ate and ate to control and suppress my feelings. I ballooned up to over 320 lbs. I was miserable and had no control over my life.
But I slowly got control of my life through the proper meds, therapy and a solid effort at controlling my eating back in 2015. I got down to 235 lbs, got a stable job and a boyfriend who would become my husband.
Since then it’s just been a matter of fine tuning to achieve the results I want. I honestly believe that a ketogenic lifestyle will give me that. Happiness, stability and sustained weight loss. Is it a magic pill. No but it’s pretty damn close.
I love my daughter, I really do. But at 11 months it is painfully obvious she does not appreciate the care I put into my cooking. Today I didn’t overcook the shrimp. Today I sautéed them in butter, lemon zest and fresh garlic.
The beans are a recipe of my Puerto Rican Grandma’s, straight from my childhood. I wanted to cook them so I didn’t forget the recipe. I wanted to cook them to pass down that little bit of food tradition since she’s not here anymore and she never got to meet my daughter. I have been irritable and on edge all day just ready to lash out at any provocation. I nearly did already when the cats and dog got under my feet.
But I had been holding back when it came to Alice. She was having a bad day too. She woke up cranky and was on and off crying all day. Maybe it was her diaper rash that was causing her so much discomfort. I’m not sure.
She was in a good mood when I set the plate with the cut up shrimp and ancient grains and beans in front of her. But quickly it just became a game to her. She upended the plate and began flicking the rice off her high chair.
I couldn’t get mad. I couldn’t get frustrated with her and I definitely couldn’t take my irritation out on her. So I just let her know that we don’t do that with our lunches and I took the plate away. I finished my lunch without losing my temper and I’m quite proud of that. All day I had been waiting to just lose it and it didn’t come. And you know what. It doesn’t have to. I choose how I react in a situation. I have that control. Amazing isn’t it.
The best thing is that she sees that I’m in control of my emotions and how I react. I’m modeling appropriate behavior for her. I never thought I would be a more mature parent than my own parents.
Hi and welcome to my blog! My name is Ariel and I have been on a weight loss quest for oh….maybe my whole life. lol. That seems kind of depressing. But I know many of you out there can relate to that feeling.
I haven’t been overweight my whole life but I thought I was. I was convinced I was to the point that I never looked in mirrors and always wore baggy clothes. I compared myself to thinner friends and was always on some diet. I started gaining actual weight in my senior year of high school and really gained weight in college. Since then it has been a battle of yo-yo dieting and constant self hatred. In college I flirted with bulimia but I have always had to deal with disordered eating. I do not have a good relationship with food!!!
So why do I think this time will be different. For one I am finally dealing with why I use food as my number one coping mechanism for my emotions. All that childhood emotional baggage is going to be dealt with. That inner fat bitch that just wants to tell me I am not worthy of love and deserving of a healthy body will be talked back to. She is not getting any more Carl’s Jr Bacon Western Cheeseburgers and onion rings. But you know if I want one it will be on my say so not hers after some kind of emotional meltdown.
I am going to get really real here and very honest. We’re going to talk about all the nitty gritty about my weight loss including numbers and my emotional trauma. It’s getting all laid bare. I have bipolar disorder and I am often depressed. You know that plays into my weight loss and I will share that with you. My husband is very supportive and I want to share his pearls of wisdom with you as well. Lastly my daughter keeps me going. She is my inspiration and I so want to be able to have the energy to keep up with her. Also I want to be healthy enough to have a little sister or brother for her. So stay tuned for updates on that as well. My next post will be more focused on my starting weight loss stats with pictures.